“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

FINALLY, Gloria Allred will get her day in Lindsay Lohan court. After all the skanks Gloria has represented in the name of truth, justice and the American way, she was NEVER called into any of Lindsay’s many kerfuffles. (I love that word.) But now, as Lohan gets arrested for the umpteenth time and hauled into the precinct, a place she can soon call her home again, Gloria is taking the opposing side and representing that hag in question, Florida psychic, Tiffany Mitchell. FROM MARCH 18, 2011 You’ve got to love Gloria Allred. She is the omnipresent voice of reason, or… Read More »

So help me if they cast Tom Hanks as General Petraeus, I will scream. Paula Broadwell could be cast by Diane Lane, since she wishes she were her, and Jill Kelley can be played by Kim Kardashian. Well if the illicit sex fits…… Read More »

Finally Gloria “Madame” Allred can sleep soundly. After two hundred years of taking on the most high-profile-possible sensational cases to get maximum airtime, comes word that Allred has landed her own Judge Judy type show this fall. We The People With Gloria Allred will probably host her ex-clients, you know, those many hookers with a wallet of gold from cases past. Hopefully, she will have the reunion of all 13 Tiger Woods‘ skanks. Rachel Uchitel, get out your Jimmy Choos.… Read More »

Remember that sultry sweetheart from Tiger Woods‘ band of happy hookers, Rachel Uchitel? Well, turns out that there is life after scandal for this lip-locking, lip-enhanced, ex-doormat, I mean doorman from the Meatpacking District hot spots. Rachel, you may recall, was the only hooker that received an undisclosed several million dollars in exchange for keeping her trap shut, thanks to Madame Gloria Allred, her attorney mouthpiece. Anyhoo, Rachel having survived Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab, is launching her next business venture as a private eye. Yes, just when you are ready to have someone followed and investigate their dirty dealings, you can… Read More »

Is it me or does it feel like “coming out season” is under way in Hollywood? Since that NOH8 campaign started featuring weird straight people like Rachel Uchitel and Meghan McCain, it seems like gay stars are flying out of the closet in record speed. Ellen Degeneres paved the way for stars to see a clear path to success on television by being out and proud. That, and a few cosmetics contracts make Ellen the high-priestess of gay marketability. It used to be that stars would remain tucked away in the closet for fear of ruining their careers just by… Read More »

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category,… Read More »

Angelina Jolie is rumored to play the Wicked Witch of the West?!? Say it ain’t so. Don’t get me wrong, I love Angelina Jolie. I love her enough to tell her not to do this, as it is NOT the role of a lifetime. Gia was that for her. Forget about Angelina Jolie for a minute and let’s just discuss why anyone in Hollywood thinks they have what it takes to take on the challenge of remaking The Wizard of Oz. And please don’t tell me that Tim Burton wants to do it. Though he is brilliant and everything, his… Read More »

These two Gross Baboons, Rachel Uchitel and Gloria Allred, are making the scene…and Rachel you will soon see raw and uncut in Playboy. – TMZ Marc Jacobs says that coke was not mine. – PAGE SIX Jennifer Hudson looks amazing. But now I hear her new album is all about dance tracks and well…just not her. Hope her new look does not get cheapened. – THAT GRAPE JUICE Oy…Woody Allen comes to the aid of Roman Polanksi? That’s like Joslyn James coming out to the support of Loredana Jolie. – D LISTED The glorious Iman and I have one thing… Read More »

And finally, watch this touching Gorillas in the Mist-like tidbit from deep in the jungles of Africa. Sob central… httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ-bJFVJ2P0&feature=player_embedded… Read More »

Naomi is going to join Kabbalah…again…and again…and… – PAGE SIX Lisa Marie wants you to send sunflowers to Michael Jackons’s grave. Um…can you just arrange for a delivery every week and charge it to Graceland. – D LISTED Matt Lauer is a horn dog and must attend Horndogs Anonymous meetings. Stat. Sounds like he did it with the Double-mint Twins. – RADAR I love Cate Blanchett and so proud of her for wearing Alexander McQueen’s dress..that he had selected for her from beyond. – NY MAGAZINE Known Gross Baboon, Rachel Uchitel is up to her usual tricks..being a trick to… Read More »