“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

The Daily Beast features the Best of Jersey TV today. Sure, Jersey Shore, The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Jerseylicious, are fan favorites, but what do these annoying people do to represent the many other Jersey residents that are not Guidos and Guidettes? Let me tell you first hand….NOTHING. Rather than focus on the wonderful people who hail from New Jersey like Meryl Streep, Count Basie and Bruce Springsteen, we are now hyper focused on the Goombas like Snooki, Teresa Guidice and The Situation. A permanent blemish has scarred the Garden State. We can identify the turning point when… Read More »

Far be it from me to be a buzz kill, however, last time I checked we were still in the middle of two wars. Though the Afghanistan debacle is kind-of top-of-mind, we still have the Iraq situation, which gets very little media play…despite the fact that the July death toll there was the highest in two years. But, what do I know? Let’s just discuss the big news items of the day as though they are real hard-hitting news items. Hmmm, where shall I start? BREAKING NEWZZZ: Lindsay Lohan is able to smoke cigarettes while in rehab? How’s that for… Read More »

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category,… Read More »

Announcing the newest candidates for Gross Baboon of the Year Award, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa and Joe Guidice. Reading about their spendaholic, bankruptcy-inducing shenanigans made me really angry. As someone born in that fair state, the recent bevvy of Gross Baboons with New Jersey blazoned on their foreheads is enough to make anyone lie about where they hail from. We now have The Real Housewives, that lame show Jeseylicious, and even the cast of Jersey Shore, though none of them are from there, but MTV has managed to muck it up anyway. Until recently, it was Woody Allen… Read More »

Are you ready folks? The reality showdown begins. Move over Bravo and all your overly Botoxed, Nine West wearing Real Housewives of New York City, Atlanta, Orange County, Washington DC, Beverly Hills, New Jersey and where else…oh…right…No Where Special. The New York Times reports on the new show in town that is poised to take those bitches down. Geritol presents Sunset Daze, a reality show starring 900 year old women who call themselves The Hos’s. (Yikes.) Not sure what the men on this show refer to themselves as…except, maybe, just happy to be alive. Sunset Daze, set in a retirement… Read More »

It seems like the tide is beginning to slowly turn on these so called celebrities, a.k.a reality television stars. Case in point, my  prediction yesterday of the reason why the Jersey Shore cast is heading back to…well…the Jersey shore. Seems like they were turned away from most places in Miami, which I could have told MTV, had they asked. Come on, what brand besides Ed Hardy want to be affiliated with those kids? Sure, when they were the flavor of the month, they were all the rage. Even Harper’s Bazaar was all over them. Now that the Jersey dust has… Read More »

As we close out the year and begin anew, let’s see who has what it takes to keep their puss in the light of media glare and what nudniks gets cast aside like a pair of old shoes. It’s a tough business, this business of show, and you have to be cunning, baffling and powerful…oh, that’s alcohol, but still applicable here. Who doesn’t benefit from a booze addled night coupled with a few Hooter-types? Can you say Tiger Woods thirteen times fast? Anyhoo, here to kick-off 2010, is the first installment of Last Five Minutes of Fame.… Read More »

All the News About Nobodies That’s Fit to Print. This surely has become one of my favorite I Mean What?!? entries. The phenomenon that is “People in the News” has been so watered down, that we are now desensitized to actual news about people that are really interesting. Anyway, I’ve explained The Nobody News countless times. It’s just a fact of life that the fast lane is so crowded with wanna be’s.… Read More »

Before the Paris shows get under way, I wanted to stop and take stock of the images I saw today from paparazzi-land that struck me as either annoying, or questionable. Just because these people are photographed, does not make them interesting. I have done several editions on IMW, called The Party’s Over, where I feature images of “party people” that are basically a bunch of nobodies who think they are somebody, or shall we say, a wanna-be somebody that really is nobody, or perhaps, a wanna-be who will always be…in essence…a never-was. Am I clear? Does that make sense? It… Read More »

There’s so much hub-bub about torture in the news these days. I’ve looked at the evidence, listened to the pundits and dickheads (Dick Cheney, who else?) and have decided that water boarding and all the other methods wouldn’t compare to what I have concocted as a far more effective and painless way to scare the bejesus out of any terrorist and get them talking.… Read More »