Here's what Bristol Palin will look like on Dancing With The Stars.
Now that’s a coupling made in heaven. One desperate, unwed, teen mother, Bristol Palin, who uses the media to compete with her skanky ex-baby daddy, Levi Johnston, coupled with The Situation, a Staten Island goombah who is the most talked about character second to Snooki from MTV’s Jersey Shore. Coupling? Yes…because they will both be on Dancing With The Stars. Well, they won’t be dancing with each other…but trust me…we will see plenty of paparazzi shots of those two leaving the DWTS studio.
So, what ever happened to Bristol Palin’s public relations business? Guess she decided to become her own best client rather than providing that service for others. Let’s face it, I was right when I wrote in I Mean…What?!? on January 6 that Sarah Palin’s announcement of her daughter’s public relations firm was a mere ploy to make the family look less Beverly Hillbillies meets Anchorage. Anyway, here is how the conversation went at the Palin compound when Bristol announced that she was cast on Dancing With The Stars.
INT. PALIN KITCHEN – AFTER DINNER
BRISTOL: (Entering the room) You should see how cute Tripp and Trig look sleeping next to each other.
SARAH: Yeah, it’s a real nativity scene.
TODD: Oh, Sarah. We have to be grateful for every day.
SARAH: Oy, and I have some land left in the Poconos that I can sell you, real cheap.
BRISTOL: Speaking of which…
SARAH: What did Levi Johnston do now?
TODD: Why do you always assume the worst?
SARAH: (Rolling her eyes) Exactly where have you been for the past two years?
BRISTOL: I took a job.
SARAH: Again? What happened to that lovely PR firm we set up for you in the hopes of you regaining some dignity?
BRISTOL: Oh, mother, PR and dignity hardly can be put in the same sentence.
TODD: Well, it sure was a step up from where you were darlin’. Unwed teen mother with a Playgirl centerfold baby daddy…come on. Your mother only wanted what was best.
SARAH: Oh Todd, don’t stick up for me. She’s going to do whatever she wants to do. So, let’s hear it. What is it this time? Spokesperson for Massengil?
BRISTOL: I am going to be on Dancing With The Stars.
SARAH: Are you kidding me? How on Earth am I going to run for President with you waltzing around in sequins showing all of America your pootch.
TODD: All Americas thinks about is Bristol’s pootch.
SARAH: (Rolling her eyes) Thank you Mr. Peanut Gallery. Don’t you have an oil leak to fix?
BRISTOL: Look Ma. It’s paying me a ton of money and I cannot spend my life wondering what can I do to help you run for an ill-fated presidential run.
SARAH: Look here Missy, I have had just about enough of you. Do you realize how many friggen Tweets and Facebook entries I have had to do to come out from under Old Man McCain’s shadow? The last thing I need is my own daughter undermining my hard work. Now tell them you are quitting.
BRISTOL: There is no way on Earth that I am doing that. And frankly, you should consider coming on the show, too. Do you realize how much money they would pay you? What do you care about government spending and health care when you can be twiddling your thumbs on the Riviera?
SARAH: Look, smarty pants. You may have a great point there…but the Tea Baggers are counting on me.
BRISTOL: Those poor slobs? Is that what you want to be known for…being the poster child for a bunch of losers? Mother…this is our time. We have to grab the brass ring whenever we can. Do you know how this will help you promote all you other projects? Those Tea Baggers are using you. I say screw ‘em.
SARAH: Oh sweetie, you would have been such a great publicist.
