“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

So I just read about the looming scandal involving Joe Biden’s daughter Ashley and her alleged cocaine use. Apparently there is a video being shopped around my her alleged ex-boyfriend. It’s not like this guy has a Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian-like video with her head bobbing on a you-know-what. Ashely’s head in this video is allegedly bobbing on a red straw snorting an alleged line of blow or shall I say alleged white powder. Am I missing something here? This is a scandal? In whose eyes? Word is that this anonymous seller is shopping the video for a reported two million dollars…so far to no avail…and is toying with an offer from European news agency for just under a quarter million, and naturally, a US media company has counter offered with a quarter mill. Might I add note that this is the worst investment on Earth for the media firm but great news for Ashely. It will definitely up Ashley’s Q-rating similar to what the marijuana video did for Michael Phelps. As far as I am concerned that video made Michael finally seem normal as opposed to the persona he had as Olympian swimmer, hero (really, hero, ’cause him swimming saved so many lives) all around mamma’s boy. Now he was a regular guy his age, smoking weed, hanging out with people as opposed to being isolated in a pool, spoon fed by mommy. Good going Mikey…and of course Subway didn’t cancel his contract, they’re not stupid, they want that 13-25 year old market suffering from a major case of the munchies. “Yeah, dude, I’m famished…and Jonesing for a Subway.” It would be interesting to follow that stock post-Phelps extravaganza. One cannot buy better press…I mean…what?!? You know I’m right.

Back to Ashley. First of all, it’s such a non-story. Look at what the cocaine snorting did for Kate Moss’ career. The word genius comes to mind. She was almost washed up until the blow blew her back into the spotlight landing her a record amount of ad campaigns, which have been sustained, not just a one time shot. She is currently in every ad campaign on Earth. Ashley might consider using this moment to move beyond her current career as social worker at a Delaware-based child welfare agency. She can really spin this into something a bit more lucrative or media related. I know, she can become a household name first then land the prime spot on the cover of Playboy and from there on, the world is her oyster. Calling Katie Couric or the chicks on The View.