“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

I have avoided watching Dancing With The Stars since the show first aired. Having given it a try, I knew that Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan had nothing on Tom Bergeron. It seemed that whoever created the show was stuck in a time when family entertainment was so corny that it made your teeth hurt. All the stars, and I use the term loosely here, were desperate enough to do whatever the producers asked them to do, most noticeably, wearing clothes that Gypsy Rose Lee wouldn’t be caught dead in. Last night, as a social experiment, a group of us… Read More »

So here you go….the riveting news…the following people will be on Dancing With The Stars. Starting with the most riveting women on Earth. Kate Gosselin. Next up is Buzz Aldrin. Yes, that Buzz Aldrin, the man on the moon circa 1969, and currently a fixture on the Beverly Hills social scene. One of my favorite people, Shannen Doherty is going to grace that stage of DWTS and do them the favor of the century. And here we have the obligatory sports star, Chad Ochocinco. And can you believe Jake Pavelka from The Bachelor is going to be on that show?… Read More »

So, not that I give a flying cahoot, but ABC-TV is beginning to release the names to the media of the people cast for the upcoming edition of Dancing With The Stars, a.k.a. How On God’s Green Earth Is This Show A Hit? Yesterday, Perez Hilton announced that Pamela Anderson will be one of the people desperately holding on to dear life for their careers. Though Kelly Osbourne, who I adore, walked away from this show with flying colors and a fierce body, many have gone onto seeming ridiculous…or insane. My source told me that Pussycat Doll extraordinaire, Nicole Scherzinger… Read More »

So ABC-TV casting executives are wracking out their brains as to who they can cast for the next season of Dancing With Has-Beens…I mean…Dancing With The Stars. They are fatootzed as to how to top the Bristol Palin coup d’états. Word is that DWTS was originally after Todd Palin for this past season and that Sarah Palin, in her unyielding control freak way, offered up Bristol Palin as a peace offering with the intention to bring grace back to the out of wedlock teenage mom. Let’s face it, Bristol, left to her own devices would just as quickly cast herself… Read More »

Fortunately, I am not one of the 23 million people tuning in to watch Dancing With The Stars. Never have, never will. As far as I am concerned, it is the place where sad hags go to pasture. It is The Biggest Loser set to music. There’s nothing stars about DWTS. A star to me will always be something greater than who the media touts as being a star. Angelina Jolie is a star. Brandy is not. Robert Downey Jr. is a star, The Situation is not. Another non-star is Bristol Palin. Excuse me, but having a child out of… Read More »

Now that’s a coupling made in heaven. One desperate, unwed, teen mother, Bristol Palin, who uses the media to compete with her skanky ex-baby daddy, Levi Johnston, coupled with The Situation, a Staten Island goombah who is the most talked about character second to Snooki from MTV’s Jersey Shore. Coupling? Yes…because they will both be on Dancing With The Stars. Well, they won’t be dancing with each other…but trust me…we will see plenty of paparazzi shots of those two leaving the DWTS studio. So, what ever happened to Bristol Palin’s public relations business? Guess she decided to become her own… Read More »

Debate 2012 is a sham or is it a shame? Leave it up to Americans to place their entire emotional investment–not to mention their futures–on a fleeting moment. The prism of a Presidential campaign encompasses years, not to mention the scope of the careers of our Presidential candidates, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Comparatively speaking, a 90-minute debate is nothing but a fleeting moment. Our society has spiraled down to a Dancing With The Stars while Keeping Up With The Kardashians trajectory that leaves us pacified by our iPhones and numb to the important of reference. The lyrics of the… Read More »

Dear Bristol, Surely death threats are not an effective means to change minds. I am sorry for those people who recently resorted to using those tactics based on your desperate need to be in the media. Had you not blabbered on about Barack Obama’s position of gay marriage, perhaps you would not be in this situation. Naturally, when you say, “hate doesn’t win any arguments” that is true. But the fact that you were compelled to stick your neck out and make a point on such a hot button issue, then you must accept your responsibility in this situation. You… Read More »

Awards Season is almost over. All we have to do is get through today’s Monday morning quarterbacks (present company included) spewing “Who looked like a mess” or “What was she thinking” or “WTF was she wearing” and then we can rest our weary bones. Yes, we can retire from The Joan Rangers Fashion Police Force and become civilians again rather than critics. My recurring theme of the evening was, The Dress That Ate The Actress. This means that there were not enough fittings, or the stylist in the room was from the Helen Keller School of Styling. Something was a… Read More »

This season’s cast of Dancing With The Stars promises to be beyond uninteresting. Maybe people will tune in to see if Chaz Bono is a clod. Though you have to give Chaz mad props for being so out there in the public eye considering the average viewer is not the same audience that tunes in to watch The A-List on Logo. Nancy Grace will scare the be-Jesus out of her dancing partner, so that won’t last long. Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney‘s ex-girlfriend is doing what any scorned woman would do to get back at her man. She is going to… Read More »