“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

For those of you who do not quite know what a Fotzy Balloon is, I figured this is a critical moment to explain it since the fotzy balloons are coming. So…What is FOTZY or FOTZ ? Etymology: What started out as a sarcastic reference to something, someone, well, anything, that “thinks” or acts like they are way too fascinating. It’s started as a sarcastic dishy slam: “Oh, they’re fascinating”. And evolved to… “Well, aren’t they fotzinating”. Which shrunk down to… “They are fotzy”. Which became… “Fotzy Balloons.” And finally… “Fotz”. Here are a few examples: Bing is fotz. What Madonna… Read More »

I love that famous quote from Francis Ford Copola’s Apocalypse Now, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” And I am reminded of that very quote this morning as I read about all the backlash against Rush Limbaugh after he stuck his and everyone on Fox News’ feet in his mouth. Oh and a few Republican Presidential hopefuls as well. Yes, you Mitt & Rick. I have been a Rush hater for years and was reading through my older entries and came upon a starting revelation from January 2010. It was my shock and awe how the liberal… Read More »

Where is the outrage? We all know by now how horrendous the Tea Party is with all their racist Tea Bagging shenanigans. But now, things are really spiraling out of control. Where in hell is this Marilyn Davenport, the Orange County Republican Central Committee slash Tea Partyer woman who sent out a mass email depicting Barack Obama as a chimpanzee? What infuriates me is that every news outlet posted the offensive, inappropriate image but no one has posted a picture of the culprit, Marilyn Davenport. We at I Mean..What?!? refused to post that image as we consider ourselves somewhat tactful… Read More »

Look at these two yuckleheads and tell me what kind of skin pigment they have? Freakin’ tangerine peels? I am getting my LV trunks out and starting to pack since we have to listen to this clueless, usually-sobbing John Boehner for the next few years. Brian Williams asked Orange John in his first interview as House Speaker to name one thing that he would cut from the budget. ‘Cause we all know how fiscally prudent those Republicans are…starting with George Bush Jr…yikes. John Boehner’s response was, “I don’t have one off the top of my head.” Of course not you… Read More »

What ever happened to the age of innocence when we feared a George Orwellian future? When George W. Bush Jr. was in power, his Big Brotherness proved Orwell’s predictions had come true. Now, just a couple years later, we have something far greater to fear than George Bush, which is a Sarah Palin White House based on the film The Truman Show. You think that’s not possible? With Sarah Palin and Bristol Palin the new stars of reality television, you don’t think that sick bitch would not want to chronicle her years in the White House for ego sake alone?… Read More »

NEWS FLASH: KANYE WEST’S PENIS SNUBBED BY PLAYGIRL Pictures of Kanye West‘s penis were allegedly pitched to Playgirl and in a twist of fate, the magazine passed on the offer. So what are you now Kanye, the next Kelly Bensimon from The Real Housewives of New York City? Can someone please stuff a sock in Kanye West‘s mouth? Kanye fell from grace having opened his pie hole at the VMA Awards and stealing the thunder from Taylor Swift for winning Best Song. He actually took it upon himself, with his over blown ego, to determine who should have won that… Read More »

Remember when Alec Baldwin allegedly threatened to leave the United States if George Bush Jr. got elected in 2000? I believe Barbra Streisand said something similar. Clearly they never left but that’s not why I am bringing this up. Rather, I am dumb struck watching and listening to the horrendous crop of candidates running for Senate and Congress. The reality that our country might be taking the kind of turn to the right…and I mean far right….I mean so far right that I can not breathe…is making me rethink living here. I lived in Los Angeles during 9-11 and it… Read More »

Nothing is garnering more media attention than Fashion’s Night Out. Not the Oscars, the MTV Music Awards, New York Fashion Week, Snooki. Nothing.  When we look at what drove Anna Wintour to devise one of the greatest marketing plans on Earth, we see at the core, a beautiful, well-intended, generous, spirited gem of an idea. “Bring people back to the stores.” Funny, that when George Bush said the same thing after 9-11, that people should just “Go Shopping”, it was met with mixed emotions. Actually, Democrats were apoplectic. But if you think about it…it was a good idea. When is… Read More »

There is little I can say about the catastrophe that is under way in the Gulf of Mexico, besides how upsetting it is. Am I furious at British Petroleum? Of course, AND because I am not Sarah Palin…who is surprisingly silent at this time. Am I going to sit here and complain about Barack Obama? You betcha. But only for a minute, because it was not his fault that this happened. It is his lame, passive response that has me up in arms. And where is Michelle, besides on the pages of every style blog? She needs to get her… Read More »

Let’s face it kids, when I ask: ABE: Who wears a matching red hat with red Prada shoes and elaborate dresses? YOU: Dame Edna? ABE: No. YOU: Any of the contestants on RuPaul’s Drag Race? ABE: No. Give up? Here’s a hint. He turns a blind eye to child molesters and is the top dog of the Catholic church. YOU: Justin Bieber? ABE: No, you maroon. It’s the Pope, the Holy Pontiff, His Grace in the Glass Menagerie. Nice reputation, Marlene Pope Benedict XVI. I mean…really…would you let this guy, if he was not the Pope, anywhere near your kids?… Read More »