“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Let it be said that I called the Sarah Palin getting a Fox News deal early this summer. I wrote: “You can ask my sister Vivian, as we were watching the freakishly neurotic and overly audible Sarah Palin resignation speech on CNN, though we were shocked that they broke away from the Michael Jackson Minutia Report, that I immediately turned to her and quoted Deep Throat and said, “Follow the money”. Sarah Palin, the smart but insane sexist windbag, will write her book, which will read like a diary from an eight grader, do a massive book tour throughout the… Read More »

Are you people nuts? Sarah Palin resigned. That is the good news. What’s with the judgments and criticisms? It’s further proof that we, as a nation, consistently look a gift horse in the mouth, or, bite the hand that feeds us, whichever of those expressions apply. She’s a nut bag, she resigned, now can we please get back to which suit Michael Jackson will wear to his grave? The thing that no one really wants to say here is that Sarah Palin is beyond brilliant. Beautiful and smart. Oh, yes smart…as a whip. Not in a bookish way. But in… Read More »

The other thing about non-interesting media whores who get to the top of the heap are those who write “memoirs” or “tell-alls”. There is a vast difference between an obscure writer, compelled to tell their life story, which strikes a chord and becomes a best-seller (Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love) versus Sarah Palin’s seven-million dollar book deal that will have as much depth as my shoe. Or how about the upcoming Studio Head by Jon Peters (Barbra Streisand’s ex hairdresser turned producer) who plans to reveal dirty details about all his trysts and even several of Streisand’s trysts as well.… Read More »

Whether Sarah Palin runs for President or not, the problem here is that she does not know how to shut her pie hole. Just yesterday she vomited these pearls on, what else, Fox News. “I’m still wondering who the heck is going to be out there with a servant’s heart willing to serve the American people for the right reason, not for ego, not for special interests, not with obsessive partisanship,” Palin, a paid Fox contributor, told the network’s Greta Van Susteren. I am confident that she will not run for President. Yes, she is a dumb ass, but Sarah… Read More »

Dear Bristol, Surely death threats are not an effective means to change minds. I am sorry for those people who recently resorted to using those tactics based on your desperate need to be in the media. Had you not blabbered on about Barack Obama’s position of gay marriage, perhaps you would not be in this situation. Naturally, when you say, “hate doesn’t win any arguments” that is true. But the fact that you were compelled to stick your neck out and make a point on such a hot button issue, then you must accept your responsibility in this situation. You… Read More »

Sometimes reading the morning news reminds me of the Enchanted Forest when Dorothy and the three caballeros are in search of the Land of Oz, only to be threatened by the pending doom of lions and tigers and bears. In that same vain, reading through today’s headlines, the three ladies who otherwise just lunch, Sarah Palin, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are doing to me what those animals did to our heroes from The Wizard of Oz. Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for their use of a singer/model, Melissa Molinaro, who kinda looks like her.… Read More »

What on Earth are you doing? You, meaning the media for giving unending amounts of real estate to Sarah Palin. Whether the media is covering her “I’m Not Going Anywhere Tour” (a.k.a. The Catch Me, Catch Me Tour) or giving her rebuttal time to maintain her cluelessness about Paul Revere for “ringing those bells”, we now have to suffer through 24,000 old emails from when she was Governor of Alaska, gazing at Russia from her back porch. The media are drunk on Sarah Palin’s Kool-Aid and now we are accosted with irrelevant plot points, junk mail and “You betchas” from… Read More »

The gloves are off and the cat fight begins between Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, the Doublemint Twins of the Tea Party. Neither zealot has officially entered the race yet, but they are already taking jabs at each other through their hired mouth pieces. What is more brilliant than that? Brilliant because as I predicted months ago, there will be no harmony with this duet. It is similar to the similarities of Bryce Dallas Howard and Jessica Chastain. It is hard to tell them apart, too. In March, when the Charlie Sheen meltdown was monopolizing the airwaves, I wrote: The… Read More »

Gotta hand in to the Democrats. When none of the Republican presidential hopefuls like Mitt Romney or John Whats-his-name could grab one headline from the Sarah Palin and her Catch Me Catch Me Tour, Anthony Weiner came up with a brilliant plan with the Democratic National Committee in an effort to diminish Palin’s rising star. Weiner-Gate is a complete fabrication—from the crotch shot to the titty shot. Weiner’s plan was to create this scandal and pull the trigger when it was looking like Sarah’s cutesy clueless act was winning over the hearts and minds of the people and more importantly,… Read More »

The past few days while Charlie Sheen has been monopolizing the airwaves, the happy homemakers, Sarah (Cross-Hair) Palin and Michele (Cross-Eyed) Bachmann have been doing their darndest to get some face time on the boob tube. Naturally, Fox News to the rescue, where Ms. Blabbermouth #1 has been spewing venomous insults about the Obama Administration, while her potential Presidential rival Ms. Blabbermouth #2 was doing the same. The slanderous comments such as “Gangster Government” is so racially motivated, that it makes John Galliano look like Mother Teresa. Now, these two bimbettes have synced up their talking points to the point… Read More »