“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

As New York Fashion Week looms and celebrities are being schnorred up for front row, the topic of the Jersey Shore cast was bound to come up. The New York Post‘s Page Six reports today that the cast is demanding tickets to shows. The only viable candidate for my money is Jenni Farley (JWoww), but only if she would agree to a complete IMW Makeover. As much of a fan that I am, these kids are way too Jon Gosselin for anyone in the fashion industry, besides Ed Hardy, that is. Shedding their image would be the only way to… Read More »

Ah, the allure of fame. Fortune tends to follow suit…unless you are Nick Lachey or Jon Gosselin. But, those are the exceptions to the rule. Back to fame. “Celebrity is obscurity waiting to happen,” says Carrie Fisher. And true dat. So who makes the list this week? Could it be anyone from the cast of Ugly Betty? That would be a yes. There is also Lordana Jolie, winner, Gross Baboon of the Year. Or perhaps it is Mel B…AGAIN…since I put her on the original Last Five Minutes of Fame List when I launched this category…fyi.… Read More »

It really is a shame that dogs have gotten a bad rap because of the basic human need to name-call. What is more amazing than your dog? Nothing. The expression, “It’s a dog’s life” refers to the easy, pressure-free existence that our pampered dogs live. Laying, stretching, nibbling, laying, stretching, nibbling. They are plenty busy. But then, somewhere along the line, people started referring to other humans as dogs and not in a good way. How did that happen? If I was a dog, a real one, I would be pissed. Women call men dogs for looking at other women,… Read More »

Here’s proof that all you need is some dough in order to get a star of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. What’s next? Grauman’s Chinese Theater letting Kim Kardashian plant her tootsies in their precious cement? Call me old fashioned, but when I think of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, I think of Greta Garbo, Jean Harlow, Clark Gable and Fred Astaire…to name a few. Not Howie Mandel, or P Diddy, or does it say Sean Combs…whatever, Buzz Aldrin (really? why, cause he lives in LA?), or Ryan Seacrest. Can we call that a stretch…please? It all proves my point… Read More »

V is For Victory for Tubby…I mean…Voluminously Voluptuous Women. To be clear, V Magazine is doing a whole issue with plus-sized models. This is a major statement for the normally anorexic audience that reads most uber-fabulous glossies. Didn’t they all start the trend in vomiting and other such lovely feats of strength to look thin and gorgeous. As a past fatty, I am glad that V is willing to dedicate this much attention and resources to acknowledge this audience. I just wonder if it will be the token fat issue and never again will we see an unsightly bulge…except in… Read More »

Am I alone here when I say, “This is what the New York City Police Commissioner Ray Kelly has time for?” Taking time to discuss the Jon Gosselin break in? Oy, vey! Let’s hope that Hailey Glassman gets even more attention from the media when we find out that she was involved in this hoax. What would be the difference between this and Balloon Boy? I leave you with this…Jon Gosselin and Levi Johnston were the most talked about guys in 2009…except for Tiger Woods, another picture of emotional health. And we wonder why America is no longer the power… Read More »

What do Jon Gosselin, Hailey Glassman, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller have in common? The fact that they are common. Longtime nobody Hailey Glassman has figured her way back into the media glare and boy, must she be in pig heaven. Well, if the shoe fits. We now have a story that she ransacked Jon Gosselin‘s, (the other pig in this story) New York City apartment, leaving a threatening note at the end of a knife. Ooooh….chills. The antics that these two (remember, water seeks its own level) gross baboons have been up to since they first made the scene… Read More »

Here’s a game that we can all play together. It’s pretty easy. I will show you a picture followed by a few statements. You select the answer that best fits the person/people and the situation. Easy and fun! A) Now what are we gonna do? B) Look, we’ve gotten this far, surely some stupid publicity scam will keep us in the public eye. C) All of the above. A) One sex tape, even sex tapes. What’s the difference? B) These boobs are all I have left. C) I should have lied to Perez Hilton, God damn it. D) All of… Read More »

Awww. The poor little babies (a.k.a tragic media whores) that think they are all that and a bag of chips by virtue of their being tracked by the tabloid news. You have to love these people for they know not who they are. They only know who they think they are. Then we also have the people who’s media-driven projects that got all sorts of hype but alas, did not live up to the expectations. Cheer up because you have been graced with the honor of being on the I MEAN…WHAT?!? LAST FIVE MINUTES OF FAME LIST. It’s a great… Read More »

Some days there are a slew of silly stories that are worth commenting on. This is one of those days. There is no real theme, no rhyme, no reason. Well, surely there is no reason for these people to be in the news, but since they are, hello fodder. NEWSFLASH!!! Carrie Prejean and Sarah Palin have become friends since the ‘I hate gays (except my mother) speech’. Birds of a feather. NEWSFLASH!!!  Carrie Prejean confesses to sex tape on Sean Hannity’s FOX-TV News Show: “It was the biggest mistake of my life-ish.” To read past installments of The Nobody News,… Read More »