“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Do you ever stop to wonder how on Earth all these tacky, low-rent people have managed to claw their way into the media and take up so much of our time these days? Look no further than your mirror. What you will see there is one of the reasons that Gross Baboons have even entered the zeitgeist. It is because of you and me (or is it I) that there is even a need for the Annual Gross Baboon of the Year Award (to be held during the next awards season). We have glorified the lowest common denominator of humans.… Read More »

There’s nothing like a rainy Saturday afternoon, curled up on the couch with the new issue of Vanity Fair. It has been a favorite pastime for years…especially since we get so much freakin’ rain. Lately though, some of the subjects and stories featured in VF are getting as pedestrian as punch. Case in point: the issue with the Tiger Woods‘ cover, thrown in there for good measure, to garner some newsstand action. I understand that need for Graydon Carter to want get in on the greatest media obsession on Earth, but that cover was nauseating and frankly, above Vanity Fair.… Read More »

Yesterday, I announced my newest nominee for Gross Baboon of the Year with the news of Jesse James and his uber-skank Michelle “Bombshell” McGee (a.k.a. Skanky McGee, in my book). But the competition continues to be fierce for that award. Today, it’s all about Joslyn James, from the quorum of bosomy broads who diddled with Tiger Woods‘ doodle…or is it doodled with his diddle. Actually, neither, if you go by the salacious texts that poor, little victim of poontang, Joslyn endured…then released to the media…really?!? Who can feel sorry for anyone that makes choices with open eyes and hires someone… Read More »

This is a good day for Loredana Jolie, who I crowned Gross Baboon of the Year in regards to her loose lips (get your mind out of the gutter) during the Tiger Woods fiasco. Today I am stripping Loredana of her title and giving it to Hailey Grossman, of Jon Gosselin and drunk-in-a-plant fame. Just to refresh your memories, I crowned Loredana with the title Gross Baboon of the Year when she was flapping her gums about the book she was going to write about the Tiger Woods tryst, and alluding to Tiger’s homosexual activities. Loredana, dear…just because you were… Read More »

For weeks, I have been begging the media to let dead Tigers lay…as in the case of Tiger Woods and his many whores. But as time marches on, we are still accosted by claims from these cheap hussies, case in point and the winner of Gross Baboon of the Year, Loredana Jolie…no relation to Angelina…who must be plotzing as far as possible Google affiliations go. Seriously though, I am so not interested in Tiger Wood’s penis and now I need to know even more about it? And this hooker Loredana needs to try her hand at writing a book?!? What… Read More »

Did you hear the collective gasp of disbelief when the media reported you and Kanye West (of all people) were summoned to the gold version of a glass house? Please, do tell how your business meeting with @realDonaldTrump went the other day. I, like millions, am dying to know. … Read More »

Just when you thought you couldn’t despise Kanye West anymore, comes his admission that he did not vote, making him an old wanna-be millennial. To make you hate him even more than I do already and have since forever, he professed his love for the Orange Fuhrer, Donald Trump.… Read More »

Donald Trump* won’t discuss his failures like Trump University. What lying sack of shit would engage in an ongoing scam they’re embroiled in? I found a long, lost draft of one of my old Op-Ed pieces dated August 2013 about @realDonald Trump.  The content is so relevant to what is currently going on with his lame, reality show version of a political campaign that I wanted to share it with you as my first Op-Ed piece of 2016. FOUND DRAFT: ORANGE IS TRYING TO BE THE NEW BLACK- 8/24/13 – Midnight Rather than be frustrated by the fact that since my bicycle accident that’s put me out of commission, Kim… Read More »

Gross Baboon, Donald Trump is being scolded by his three Lucky Sperm Club spawn in an effort to curtail their sick fuck dad. Happy Father’s Day indeed.… Read More »

Will Donald Trump Offer Sarah Palin her last job ever as Vice President?… Read More »