“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Page Six reports about the proposed competition for The View from CBS-TV, you know, that network for old people, starring the lamest choices this side of the falling ashes of Iceland. Get this: Lisa Rinna – She can always lead the plastic surgery topics. Julie Chen – Nepotism…much? Bethenny Frankel – Yikes…like we need to see her on yet another network? Sara Gilbert – Yes, she was dry and funny on Roseanne, but that was 2,000 years ago. Where do I begin? First of all, all four of those don’t add up to one of Joy Behar’s shoes. And while… Read More »

Remember Christmas? So much drama happened this past holiday, and I don’t mean your traditional family dinner with cursing and yelling and depression. That is child’s play compared to the near fatal plane crash by terrorist slash underwear model Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab. And what about that nativity scene at the Charlie Sheen mansion in Aspen when Chuckles was charged with a felony menacing and misdemeanor assault after he allegedly attacked his wife, Brooke Mueller. He was reported to be drunk at the time. Who can wrap their minds around either of those situations? There are eery likenesses to the… Read More »

 CHAPTER 6 – PART 1  THE FITNESS GURU? Losing a human being can be an exhilarating experience. Not an actual person such as a lover, friend or family member; that tends to be a sad affair, though not always. Losing enough excess fat that amounts to the weight of an entire human being, now that’s exhilarating. Such a loss—a person’s worth of blubber—referenced here, was something Abe Gurko was fortunate enough to experience. He attributed the unwanted amount of fat that he’d gained throughout his childhood to having been stuffed to the gills by an overly Jewish mother who survived… Read More »

The Oscars should be ashamed of themselves. I mean…by the time they come rolling around, Lady Gaga won’t have a tear left to shed when she wins for Best Song.… Read More »

As a “media outlet?” I Mean What receives some ferocious pitches. And when I say ferocious, I do not mean in a lion that roars kind of way, rather, redonculous hullabaloo of the highest order. One such bibble-babble that I had to share with you below. Like one Mike Ruiz event wouldn’t be enough for the hearty homo this holiday season. Now you too can clusgter fuck up holidays with two riveting festoons. This media pitch is one of the examples of why I recently declared: “I am no longer gay. Homosexual, yes. Gay, no.” As received in my in… Read More »

Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj are not acting like American Idols. Who could care less about some beefed up yabba dabba doo charges of PR anger between these two song birds. Or is one song bird and the other Big Bird.… Read More »

Thought it might be fun to do a little update on a few of the recent Gross Baboon of the Year nominees: Rush, Chris, Courtney, Michele and Christine O…yes, that witchy woman.… Read More »

When I learned of Demi’s overdose last weekend, I immediately wrote a piece that included the below entry from November, titled Cougar Fatigue. My sweet nephew was appalled and asked me to take it down. But after I learned the details of what happened that night—which I will NOT share here—as always I was right. So here it is again. Cougar Fatigue is clearly what Demi Moore was suffering from.  But now, I guess we can say that Demi is now officially suffering from Post Cougar Fatigue. A syndrome that older women and even older gay men suffer from. Keeping… Read More »

What do Nicki Minaj (again) and Chloe Sevigny and LeAnn Rimes and Snooki and Parker Posey and and and.… Read More »

Here’s a line that I can’t figure out: Oh, the mother and child reunion, is only a motion away. I get the other verse, when Paul Simon sings, Oh, the mother and child reunion is only a moment away. But, whatever, speaking of moments, Barneys New York is having their moment as we speak while they begin to roll out the “new, improved” Barneys New York since Mark Lee grabbed the reigns. First up, the new Fall ad campaign styled by and starring Carine Roitfeld. Most of what I see I like very much. Not swacked with the above image… Read More »