“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Happy New Year! I am still down in Tulum having Internet issues coupled with a hangover so all I can do is re-post this entry from two years ago about the Mayans and their nonsense about the end of the world. Just so happens that I am in spitting distance of the Mayan Ruins and am going to take this nonsensical conversation up with the Gods directly tomorrow, after I finish nursing this hangover. … Read More »

“He’s 89 years old, so of course he could be very right about the end of the world being on May 21. Or very close to that.” So said Jon Stewart on Harold Camping, the Christian radio kook on his claim that then end of the world is nigh, actually today. As in any minute now. Sure wish I had a couple of Percocets to wash down with my coffee and then slink into a Calgon bath to be taken away, finally, once and for all. The idea that this was the last day on Earth and I am still… Read More »

Charlie Sheen is the Grossest Baboon Of The Year…this or any other. UPDATE TO MY UPDATE: Have you seen any of the interviews with Charlie Sheen? His arrogance knows no bounds. He occasionally says funny things, but the joke ultimately is on us, because he gets to stay him, and we get to watch. However this drama ends regarding the CBS Show Two and a Half Men, he will go on to make more millions and prove his arrogance was the right way to be. Besides the cast and crew of TAAHM, who are the biggest losers here, I feel… Read More »

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category,… Read More »

Do you ever stop to wonder how on Earth all these tacky, low-rent people have managed to claw their way into the media and take up so much of our time these days? Look no further than your mirror. What you will see there is one of the reasons that Gross Baboons have even entered the zeitgeist. It is because of you and me (or is it I) that there is even a need for the Annual Gross Baboon of the Year Award (to be held during the next awards season). We have glorified the lowest common denominator of humans.… Read More »

Yes, I love Jersey Shore with the rest of you, but really? Snooki is a friggen haggard mess. – SPLASH NEWS Should Britney Spears wear a bra? All in favor? Yay. All opposed? Nay. Daddy, get the hell out of her underwear drawer. – THE SUN Little Red Lady Gaga…did she or didn’t she have a face job. – DIGITAL SPY Awww, the original Gross Baboon is not having a good time of things. Attention all Gross baoons, this could be you! – HUFFINGTON POST Burberry Make up? Whatever. Celebrities design clothes, coats design make-up? What next? Hairdressers designing Chia… Read More »

You must watch this Taiwanese boy sing I Will Always Love You. Move over Susan Boyle and Whitney Houston for that matter. -DLISTED In more vomitous news, Jon Gosselin is seeking full child custody from bad dancer, Kate Gosselin. Yes, she’s annoying, but okideer. -NY DAILY NEWS Brech. This is that Robert Joe Halderman who blackmailed David Letterman. He now has a new girlfriend. (A) Who cares and (B) Truth to my mother’s saying, “There is a cover for every pot…belly. -PAGE 6 Jessica Simpson (luv hu), whose brilliant media comeback by doing The Price of Beauty, is already paying… Read More »

NEWS UPDATE FROM TWITTER: The World’s Most Reliable Source. Anyone who reads I Mean..What?!? knows that I have been a supporter of Lindsay Lohan since we first met two years ago. But now that I just read in the New York Daily News that she is panning to develop a line of handbags for Ed Hardy, well…that is where I draw a line in the sand. I have been drawing a lot of those lately (scroll down to read about yesterday’s line). But this is a moment of sadness, rather than anger. Most of my readers sent me angry emails… Read More »

Yesterday, I announced my newest nominee for Gross Baboon of the Year with the news of Jesse James and his uber-skank Michelle “Bombshell” McGee (a.k.a. Skanky McGee, in my book). But the competition continues to be fierce for that award. Today, it’s all about Joslyn James, from the quorum of bosomy broads who diddled with Tiger Woods‘ doodle…or is it doodled with his diddle. Actually, neither, if you go by the salacious texts that poor, little victim of poontang, Joslyn endured…then released to the media…really?!? Who can feel sorry for anyone that makes choices with open eyes and hires someone… Read More »

This is a good day for Loredana Jolie, who I crowned Gross Baboon of the Year in regards to her loose lips (get your mind out of the gutter) during the Tiger Woods fiasco. Today I am stripping Loredana of her title and giving it to Hailey Grossman, of Jon Gosselin and drunk-in-a-plant fame. Just to refresh your memories, I crowned Loredana with the title Gross Baboon of the Year when she was flapping her gums about the book she was going to write about the Tiger Woods tryst, and alluding to Tiger’s homosexual activities. Loredana, dear…just because you were… Read More »