“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

For those of you who do not quite know what a Fotzy Balloon is, I figured this is a critical moment to explain it since the fotzy balloons are coming. So…What is FOTZY or FOTZ ? Etymology: What started out as a sarcastic reference to something, someone, well, anything, that “thinks” or acts like they are way too fascinating. It’s started as a sarcastic dishy slam: “Oh, they’re fascinating”. And evolved to… “Well, aren’t they fotzinating”. Which shrunk down to… “They are fotzy”. Which became… “Fotzy Balloons.” And finally… “Fotz”. Here are a few examples: Bing is fotz. What Madonna… Read More »

httpv://youtu.be/tYkwziTrv5o Yes, her venture into the  schmatta business annoyed me, but when it comes to Madonna and her music, she is the grooviest. (Goo-Goo GaGa) I love Madonna’s new video Girl Gone Wild, the ad for her new Truth or Dare fragrance, and the recent performance at the Super Bowl. All the naysayers can take a powder. And when I say powder, I mean some MDMA, and then they should listen to Into The Groove…and you can dance. httpv://youtu.be/ZrLJXp3nYiE… Read More »

What on Earth is everybody buggin’ out about Madonna’s performance? My phone started buzzing immediately with all these haters ripping Madge a new orifice and I don’t know what these people are thinking. My sister said, “She’s 53, put on a pair of flats and dance. What was that?” First of all that was Madonna giving high-fashion glamazon and doing what she does best… holding court. Here are the facts: Madonna came out as Cleopatra being pulled by a bunch of gayish, football playery looking gladiators. Amazing. Madonna wore Givenchy Couture. Beyond. Madge opened with Vogue. Obsessed knowing that thousands of straight… Read More »

Let’s face it, celebrity fragrances are here to stay and the field is getting more competitive as the seconds tick. Kanye West is coming out with one as is Madonna, the world’s greatest marketing expert. Naturally, Lady Gaga can’t miss a day without doing something media savvy, so get ready to smell like Le Hint de Gaga Schtunk. Rumor has it that a Nicki Minaj scent is in the pipeline and betcha my bottom dollar that some Real Housewife is seriously contemplating her options. HSN, here she comes. Hey, if Tovah Borgnine (yes, Ernest Borgnine’s wife) can do it successfully,… Read More »

Do you want to smell like truth OR dare. Because you can’t have both ways. You can swing both ways, but that’s about it.… Read More »

Ever since Madonna jumped into the schmatta business, it has been a head-scratcher. Why the lame move from musical icon to tween celebrity-turned-fashion-designer extraordinaire? Sure, she’s made some cute moves like hiring Taylor Momsen, the Gossip Girl cast-off as the original face of the label, Material Girl. But overall, Madonna & Schmatta was just an odd lot job lot. The news that LA Triumph, a garmento company in California, is suing Madonna, claiming the rights to the name Material Girl is really annoying. Sure, the tween Macy’s fest is somewhat beneath my Material Girl but Madonna is and will always… Read More »

One does not have to go see Green Lantern in order to see that it is a big, waste of time, unless you are 6 years old and like things that light up. That said, if you are 6 years old, chances are you love animals too, so Jim Carrey’s Mr. Popper’s Penquins will probably win the box office in the end. Well, maybe not this weekend, because hype goes a long way in Hollywood. Speaking of which, when will Hollywood ever learn that not everything needs to be made into a big, loud, CGI romp. And just because Avatar… Read More »

I did a piece on Bullying last year, around the time I was on the committee for Stomp Out Bullying. Seems like this conversation will never end so I am hereby reissuing it below. As someone who was bullied, it is my responsibility to continue to speak out against it. In regards to the Tracy Morgan flap, who surely spoke like a douche bag, he also happened to crack a hilarious joke. One of my saving graces during my bullying years was my ability to laugh in the face of danger. Humor is a great weapon against bullies. Bullies are… Read More »

Get ready to rock. And I mean rock AND roll over to Macy’s when they launch Andrew Charles, the rocker inspired men’s fashion collection. You gotta love Macy’s. They are snapping up every bit of celebrity and now sub-culture to keep their name relevant in retail news. I was pulled into a meeting with them over three years ago when they were just beginning to scratch their heads for what to do with themselves. Though I was close to a deal, the September 2008 economy hit and it was put on the back burner. So far back, it disintegrated. But… Read More »

If you thought Star Jones’ circus of a wedding to Al Whatsisname was annoying, hold on to your uber-sponsored hats. The cross-promotional wedding of the century is about to unfold, so stock up on your Dramamine, ’cause a fierce case of nausea is about to ensue. Unlike the wedding of the century last month between Prince William and Kate Middleton, the pending nuptials between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries will surely reek of C and D list celebrities, lots of flat-ironed hair and enough loose curl extensions to last a lifetime. Needless to say, there will be a run on… Read More »